


Animal I’ve Become

by Cinnamon_Mey



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Violence, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamon_Mey/pseuds/Cinnamon_Mey
Summary: My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.Warning(s): Dangerous situations, Language, ViolenceA/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): Dangerous situations, Language, Violence
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

_Two years ago..._

 

  
You're running fast in the night through that dangerous part of New York, looking back often. That man is still there, running after you, threatening and insulting while he tries to reach you. You're out of breath and your spleen hurts so much but you need to resist to save your life.  
Without a destination, without knowing that part of the city, you just run trying to find a place to hide.   
That area is so quiet, dark, most of the buildings are empty and you reach an abandoned factory, using the rusty sliding door to enter. You don't have so much time so you look around to find a good place to hide before that man sees you.  
You're going to crawl in a small warehouse but he finds you. You're trapped between him, the warehouse and the wall next to you.  
“You can't run away, sweetheart. C'mon gimme it back.”  
You shake your head. “Don't know what you talking about.”  
“I think otherwise..” He picks up his gun, pointing at you.   
You raise your hands, making a surprised gasp. Now you're really afraid of dying.   
“Are you sure you want this? Nobody will look for you here.”  
“Not even ya.”  
A harsh deep voice interrupts and you both look around to understand who spoke. A dark shadow jumps down from the ceiling right between you and the aggressor. You step back, covering your mouth with a hand, observing that huge non-human creature grabs the man's armed arm and pulls him up easily. He starts to cry in pain while the creature clenches the hand around his arm and breaking it without any hesitation. The gun falls to the ground and his scream echoes in that empty place.   
The moonlight isn't enough to recognize the shape of the creature's body so you can't give it a defined form, anyways you don't even want to stay there to find it out.  
You take advantage of what's happening to run away and you disappear in the night.

For the next few days, you can't think about anything else. Yeah, you risked your life but you know it's your job. The truth is, you can't erase that creature from your mind. You're trying to remember everything, rebuilding your memories, thinking straight. It's hard. You were so scared, adrenaline was running in your veins and you were shocked.  
Besides that, you're not sure if the creature helped you by his own free will or you've been just lucky. It could be a great story for Channel 6 News but you can't go to work and tell everybody what happened, you're just a cameraman and probably April wouldn't believe you either.  
You choose to shut up and continue to investigate alone during the day to have a better view of the creature. You decide to bring some food, just in case you have to thank him or just have to convince him you're not food.  
Under the daily light is all less scary but a sort of concern wraps your stomach. It's a strange sensation, like you're going to visit an abandoned place to find some ghosts with the difference you're sure there's a ghost in there.. or a demon.   
“Hello?” Your voice echoes. “Are you still here?” No answers.  
You move around the factory slowly, looking around to see if you can catch some movement or noise but it seems you're alone. You huff, a bit frustrated and you leave the bag with food in the middle of the factory before walking away.  
Just a few steps and the creature jumps down from a beam. You make a little squeak but this time you don't run away. You have the occasion to observe him better, his massive body, the dark green skin, the huge shell on his back. He wears a pair of black shorts with white stripes on the side, the outfit looks like a sort of sportswear but it's all dirty and worn. You're confused, fascinated, shocked and you don't really know what do to or to say. You just freeze there, observing him taking the bag and looking inside. You can see he has a dirty and bleeding bandage wrapped around a hand.  
He takes a tin of dog food and he looks at the little Chihuahua painted on it. He makes a deep groan before destroying it with a hand and throws it away.  
“Do ya think I'm a fucking dog?!” He asks with anger while he looks at you. His threatening glance scares you, he's going to approach but it's enough to make you run away.  
Again he doesn't follow you.

 

*******

 

A week later you're still so into that creature you can't focus on your job. A couple of times you lost the opportunity to make a good tv report on some criminal issues. April is so mad with you because of your delays and your unprofessional behavior. She tried tons of times to understand what's happening but still, you shut up, hiding the truth.   
You decide to come back to the creature, this time with real food and - thinking back to his wounded hand - with clean bandages, disinfectant and antibiotic.   
You try to enter at the same door but this time it's locked down, you're surprised but you don't give up, you have to get into it. You look around to find another way.   
A rusty gutter and a broken window, sounds like a good plan. You climbing up and slipping inside, realizing to be on the second floor so you decide to reach the ground using an old ladder. Bad idea. It breaks under your feet. You shut your eyes, making a scream but the impact never comes, the creature caught you, avoiding it.  
You open your eyes, realizing to be into its arms. It's watching you with curiosity, the smell of dirt and sewer is intense and its skin is humid. You suddenly free yourself from its grip and it doesn't keep you against your will.  
It raises his hands. “Easy. I don't wanna hurt you.”  
You just nod, trying to put yourself together as it takes your bag, looking inside. There are milk, puffed rice and some ready meals and this time it looks at you, nodding. In some way, you're happy it... he appreciates. He's taking the bandage box when he kneels to the ground making a guttural noise and leaving the bag.  
Even if you're still a bit scared, you can't ignore it so you approach him, trying to touch his forehead. He suddenly grabs your wrist, clenches enough to hurt you as you trying to free yourself.  
“Leave me!” You yell and he does it.  
You step back, massaging your wrist.   
“Sorry..” He says with a lower voice.  
“I was just trying to understand if you have fever. I don't like how your hand looks like.”  
He watches his injured hand and he nods. You approach him again slowly, kneeling next to him and taking his hand. It's twice yours and there are three fingers. It's so weird but you're enthusiastic in some way. You remove the dirty bandage, the wound is deep and dark and the smell of rotting is strong, it doesn't look good at all.   
“Okay, we have to disinfect it.”  
He doesn't reply, he observes you while you take the disinfectant bottle and pour some liquid on the hand. It burns, he makes a harsh expression but he resists. You aren't a doctor but you try your best to bandage up.  
Finally, you look into his eyes and your gaze wanders over the face details, the body, the shell. You'd like to ask him so many questions but you hold back and once finished with the hand, you take the antibiotic. You look at him for a moment, he's huge and his body is massive with muscles.  
"What?" He asks.  
"Considering your size, perhaps it's better if you take two pills in the morning and two in the evening for ten days and.. I hope it works."  
He nods and you rub your wrist again, it's red and it hurts.  
"Sorry for that. I'm not used to deal with humans."  
"What are you?" You finally ask.  
He shows you the shell. "What do you think?"  
"Turtle.."  
He nods. "Mutant."  
“How is it possible? Where are you from? How did you get here?" The questions come out one by one, you absolutely have to know as much as possible about him.  
His need to talk to someone is too strong, being able to relate to someone after years of solitude convince him to ask you something before answer.  
“Long story, stay for dinner?”

You sit to the ground, in a corner of a basement that he uses as a bed. He sleeps on a blanket and his hygiene condition is terrible. You feel so sorry for him but you can imagine why he lives like that. It's not normal to see a giant mutant turtle walking around and living in an  
apartment, right?  
You have your dinner and he tells you everything, how he survived in the sewer with his brothers and his father, how the mutation has made them what they are and how they try to help people around the city but when you ask where they are, he avoids to answer.   
You don't insist, enough satisfied by his story.  
“Who's that dude, anyway?” He asks then.  
“Wrong place, wrong time.” You answer quickly, trying to avoid to tell the details. He nods but you feel bad, he told you a lot about his life and still, you can't trust him enough to tell even what's your job.  
You're going to tell him something more when your phone rings. It's April.  
“Where the hell are you? I've been waiting for ages!”  
“Damn.. I'm so sorry, April. I'm on my way! Gimme ten minutes.”  
You stand up, leaving your meal and put away your phone.  
“I have to go..”  
He nods, hiding a sort of sadness.   
“Well.. uhmm.. bye.” You say.  
You're about to leave when he asks one last question. “What's your name?”  
“(y/n).”   
“Raphael.”  
You smile, a giant turtle who can walk on two legs, who can speak and who has also a name.  
“Nice to meet you, Raphael.”  
“That way, there's a second entrance.” He points somewhere to show you the direction and you remember the main door is locked down.  
“Thanks..”  
He smiles back and you run away.


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): Language
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

_At present..._

 

  
You wake up when the sun is already set. The week has been hard and you need to sleep more but you have to work. You leave the bed, walking through the attic where you live now. It's not a properly apartment, it's more a place you occupied after losing your job at Channel 6 News. It's not so bad, there is a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom and enough space to organize a party in the living room, even if you don't have friends anymore. Well, you have one, Raphael who lives downstairs in the empty warehouse, turned it into a nice, welcoming place.  
It was easier before you met, you had your job, your friends but that giant mutant turtle involved you in his life and you renounced to yours to help him.   
He was like a lost grumpy puppy with family problems and you decided to take care of him as he took care of you. You gave him your time, your patience, your friendship and he gave back his support, his protection and a place to live when you were evicted.  
Now you work as a freelance hire helper and Raphael helps you when some jobs are too hard or dangerous to do.   
You check on your laptop if you received new e-mails, two new messages inbox. You read them fast, someone who needs a mover and an old lady who lost her cat. Nothing special and nothing well paid but it's something. You print the messages and then you go downstairs wearing just a black tank top and white panties. You and Raphael are close friends and you have enough confidence to walk around like that. Often you saw him naked, especially when he takes a bath and you help him to clean his shell notches, anyways there isn't an intimate relationship between you two, no one of you has never thought about sex or something. It's just disgusting, a common idea.  
“Hey, Raph.” You interrupt his punching bag training.  
“Hey.” He breaths out, drinking some water and sitting on the bench.   
You sit next to him. “Wow, you don't sweat!”   
“I'm a fucking turtle, how could I sweat?” He replies with his usual harsh tone. “I drink and I wheeze to release the excess heat.”  
“My apologies, professor.” You joke. “Where the hell did you get that info?”  
“Documentary.”  
“You should read instead of watching videos.. you know.. to help your reading skills.”  
He snorts. “What's that?” He takes the printed paper.  
“Work.” You reply. “Are you able to tell me what these kind people need?”  
He hates when you make fun of him but he's not going to give you the satisfaction. He frowns on the paper, focusing on the words to be able to understand what he's going to read. How adorable is in that moment, you cross the arms over your chest. “I'm waiting...”  
“Shut up!”  
You smile.  
“It's.. it's.. a granny who needs help to move her cat to another house.” He looks at you. “It makes no sense.”  
You burst out laughing and he pretends to be mad but he loves to hear you laughing. You passed so many bad moments, trying to survive and discussing often about what's right or wrong to save and help people. His rough instinct has always been a problem.  
He stares, smiling and you pat on his thigh.  
“Well, big boy. I have to go.”  
“What's on agenda for tonight?”  
You stand up, walking to the stairs.  
“Cleaning a gym for tomorrow morning. I think I'll spend the night there.”  
“Need a hand?”  
“Nope, security cameras everywhere and I think there's the doorman.”  
He nods. “(y/n)..”  
You turn to look at him. “Yeah?”  
“Call me when you finish to work, I don't want you walk around alone in the night.”  
“Okay, dad.” You smile.  
He huffs and shakes his head.

You start to work in the gym at 10 p.m. and you finish at 4 in the morning. It's been much harder than you thought, you had to clean all the rooms floors, the glasses and most of the equipment. You fill out your shift schedule and finally, you're out. The entire body hurts and you need to sleep but you're happy to earn some extra money.   
Just outside the gym, you text Raph.  
 _Hello there, father Raphael._  You smirk imagining his face when he reads it. _I finished and I'm on my way home. Don't wait up, I'm old enough to walk home alone :) :)_  
 _R: Funny. Move your ass._  
You put away your phone but suddenly you hear some voices not far. They're talking loud and it seems they're threatening someone. You can't ignore it, someone could need some help.  
You follow the voices till a one-way road and you approach slowly and silently until you can see them. “What..the..” You whisper, unbelieving of what are you seeing.   
Three giant turtles just like Raphael are insulting and threatening two men hooded and bounded together.   
“No more robberies, losers!” The orange masked turtle yells against them.  
“Police will be here soon, let's go!” The turtle with glasses switches off the holoscreen from his watch.  
“C'mon, Mikey. We have to go.” The third one with a blue mask turns around and sees you. Just a second later the other two notice you as well.  
You're not hiding anymore, you just stand right in front of them, staring. The blue-masked turtle raises his hands, in a defensive pose.   
“Ma'am, please. Don't be scared, we ain't dangerous.”  
“Technically we are, Leo.”  
“Not now, Don.”  
Mikey jumps right behind you, blocking your only way out.   
“Yo sexy lady, please don't scream and don't run. My brother has to say something before you can leave.”  
You step back from him, you're nervous but you're not so scared as the other people are. You know they are Raph's brothers, how they couldn't be? There aren't so many masked mutant turtles around the city.  
“We have to ask you to don't talk to anyone about what you saw tonight.”   
You turn around to look at Leonardo again and you just nod. “Okay.”  
He frowns looking at his brother. Donnie shrugs. They're all surprised by your reaction.  
“Okay.” He repeats.   
“Can I go now?” You ask, crossing the arms over your chest.  
“Ehmm.. yeah.” Leo says. “Mikey, let her pass.”  
“What?! She saw us! We can't just..”  
“I said, let her pass.”  
Michelangelo moves aside.  
“Thank you, goodnight boys.”  
You leave with a smirk on your face. Their shocked expressions are so funny but you don't want to tell them about Raphael, even if you're so curious about the story behind. Raph never really talked about it, you don't have the full picture of the situation and the reason why he left his brothers. So bad, you really want to know but you respect him too much to betray and also you're afraid of his reaction in case he finds out about your meeting with his brothers.  
You reach the subway and you look around for a moment to see if they are following you. No traces, good. You move fast downstairs and you run when you hear the train arriving to take it in time. It's almost empty and you sit in a place close to the door, wearing earphones and trying to relax with some music. Your mind is full of thoughts about the turtles and you already regret you didn't stay to talk with them.   
Slowly you arrive at your stop and you walk out of the subway, walking in the darkness to reach your place. You greet a couple of prostitutes and you increase your step when you see your building, happy to be at home.  
Once inside you look around at the warehouse but Raphael isn't there. You move upstairs and finally, you see him. He's sitting on the desk chair, reading - or at least trying - one of your books. He huffs, throwing it through the room.  
“Easy with it, is one of my favorite.” You take a drink from the fridge.  
“I read four pages in two hours..” He says with disappointment.  
“It's good! Last time you did it in a day.” You smile.  
“Stop teasing me, woman.” He reaches you, taking your drink for a sip. “How's work?”  
“Devastating but..” You take the money from your pocket. “We can buy Italian for dinner.”  
He's going to replies but suddenly a noise of broken glass from downstairs. He puts a finger on his lips to hush you as he moves slowly to check what's happening.   
“Stay here.”


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): Language, Angst
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

If he thinks you stay upstairs without doing nothing, he's totally wrong. In fact, you're already behind him and he knows it's impossible to discuss with you.  
You reach the ground floor and you both freeze, noticing the other three brothers walking and snooping around. You put a hand on your mouth, realizing they followed you. How could you be so stupid? They're ninjas, they're Raph's brothers, they definitely know how to move in the shadows. The question is, why they followed you?   
Raphael stares with wide eyes, he hasn't seen them in ages. His heart races, full of feelings. More the old memories fill his mind, more his face changes, showing his worst harsh expression. His fists clench as he moves forward.  
“What the hell are ya doing here?!” His tone is definitely rude.   
The other three move their attention at him. There are these few moments of deadlock where nobody knows what to say. Michelangelo is the first one who breaks the ice.  
“Yo, bro! How you doing?”   
But Raphael doesn't reply, he's busy to stare at Leonardo who looks at his brother with the same threatening expression.  
“This place is amazing! And..” Mikey looks at you. “You settle down, good for you!”  
“Shut up, Mikey.” Leo says quietly.  
Donnie observes in silence, ready to intervenes if they want to fight, last time has been catastrophic and they were just teenagers.  
“Ya have to leave. This is private property.”  
“We have to talk, Raph. Dad is worried about you.”   
Raphael spreads his arms. “As ya can see, I'm fine.”  
“You're still the same childish idiot of five years ago.”  
“Watch your mouth, brother.”   
Leo steps ahead. “Or what?”  
They both move forward to face each other and you're already on Raphael's side while Donnie touches Leo's arm to cool him down.  
“It's better if you leave.” You say softly and Donnie nods. “Yeah, you're right. Leo..”  
Still a few moments of tension and then the blue-masked turtle walks away, leaving the building without looking back.  
“It's nice to see you're okay, Raph.” Donatello says, taking a sort of digital transmitter. “If you want to talk or.. in case you change your mind and you want to come back..”  
“Go away, Donnie.” He cuts him.  
He watches his brother without insisting, he knows it's better to leave him alone when he's angry.  
“Ma'am, goodnight.”  
You nod and he walks away as well with Mikey who isn't able to say nothing. He just shows his saddest face.  
When you're alone again you try to talk with him, you're worried and you feel guilty for what happened.   
“I'm so sorry, Raph..”  
Suddenly he grabs your t-shirt neckline, forcing you to move closer so he can watch straight into your eyes. You can see the anger and the humiliation and you're scared as the first time you saw him.  
“Ya led them here without my permission.”  
“N- no.. I didn't..”  
“Why I don't believe ya?”  
You swallow, eyes full of tears. “I swear I didn't! I found them casually and I didn't tell anything about you.”  
“So why they followed ya?”  
You don't have an answer, you just stare with open mouth. He lets you free and walks away.  
“Where are you going?”  
“Not yar business.”  
You stay there helpless, suddenly the place you call home is so big and empty and you feel so lonely. After some moments where you consider what to do you decide to crawl into Raphael's bed. He built it from a concave metal plate, that shape helps him to sleep better considering his shell, and he brought in a mattress and a blanket.   
You cover your body, smelling his musky scent and even if you're flustered, you can't help but fall asleep after so many hours of hard work in the night.

Around lunchtime, you hear some loud noises and you wake up confused. “Raphael?”  
“Yeah..”  
You jump out of the bed to approach him. He's looking for something, his hand is injured.   
“What happened?” You took his hand to check it. The knuckles are scraped and dirty of blood.  
“Nothing. I need some ice.”  
You help him, taking disinfectant and cotton wool to clean the wound before putting the bag ice on it. He silently lets you taking care of him, he's happy to have you on his side, even though of his rough personality. He knows it's hard to deal with him but you're still there, after so long and that's why he came back to you, that's why he can't be an asshole, not with you.  
“I'm sorry for yesterday. I really have no idea why they followed me.”  
“Hush girl. It's not necessary.” He moves the fingers to see if something is broke. “I have to apologize.”  
You can't believe it. He's apologizing, what a miracle.  
“Wow.. this is.. intense.”  
“Don't push it.”  
You smile. “So did you punch a wall or something?”  
“Sort of..”  
Silence falls for some moments, you are both thoughtful.   
“Raph.”  
“What.”  
“You never told me why you left your brothers.” You don't pretend he tells you something but you have to try.  
The time has come and he can't avoid to give you an explanation, not after what happened.  
“Me and Leo don't get on.”  
You look at him but he can't do the same with you, he feels so vulnerable but at the same time, he wants to speak with you.  
“He's the eldest and he pretends to be the leader but he doesn't even listen to us. His word is law and I can't accept it.” He takes a breath. “Some years ago we fought and I accidentally hurt him, my father was so upset and disappointed as my brothers. I failed as a ninja, as a brother and as a son. I wasn't able to deal with that so I left.”  
He's so shameful right now, talking about that after so many years is strange but still hurting. You're the first who knows this, the only one who can see his fragile and true nature and his pain.  
You climb his massive shoulders to hug him and he returns it. He envelops your body with the huge arms, holding you tight.  
“I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”  
“Stop telling bullshit and gimme back my grumpy turtle.” You reply.  
He smiles.  
“C'mon, there's work to do.” You turn around, drying a tear.  
Meeting the brothers caused an awakening in Raphael. He was sure Leonardo was totally mad about him but they were looking for him and his eldest brother was there to speak not to fight. It's something he can't ignore, it's an unfinished business and now he's curious about what Leo was going to tell him. However it's a curiosity he can't satisfy, his life is there with you and he's happy.

*******

The work request you received this time is empty out a garage. Easy and clean, you think. You meet in the morning the customer, his name is James, a gorgeous guy - you have to admit - tall, dark hair, deep eyes and an amazing smile. He explains how he wants the job to be done and where to leave the things he wants to save.  
“It's all already separated and labeled, here the address where I want the saved stuff.”  
You take the post it and you put it on your block note.   
“I have a question, Mr. Miller.”  
“Go on.”  
“Is there any hazardous material I should know?”  
He smiles, he's so damn hot. You just avoid his glance on you to focus on your block note.  
“No, miss. Just old stuff from my teenage, comics, books, old video games.”  
You nod. “Okay.”  
“I have a question for you, now.”  
You look at him.  
“How you can do this job alone?”  
You smile and shake your head. “Oh no, I have an help. You know, muscles rented.”  
“And who they belong to? Perhaps your boyfriend?”  
You laugh. “No, actually..” Think fast, think fast. “He's my brother.”  
“So you don't have any men around you, except for your brother?”   
If you had some doubt before, now you're sure, he's definitely flirting with you.  
You move a lock of your hair behind the ear, blushing and shaking the head.  
“So I really have to do this.”  
You look at him again as he's writing something on another post it.  
“Here, my number. If you need some more details about my stuff.”  
You accept it and both of you smile in that awkward but pleasant moment.  
“Okay. I have to go now.”  
He nods. “Have a good day, miss (y/n).”  
“You too, Mr. Miller.”  
“Please, James.”  
You nod. “James..”  
You come back home with that stupid smile on your face, mumbling a song and even Raphael notices your weird behavior.   
“Hey Disney princess, could ya please stop for a moment and tell me what's going on? Ya're scaring me.”  
“Nothing important, our customer is very nice, that's all.”  
He frowns, crossing the arms over the plastron. “Nice uh?”  
You nod. “And we just have to empty a garage.”  
“Need a hand?”  
“Sure, we can do it this night.”  
You disappear upstairs, leaving Raphael a bit upset about your reaction on the new customer.


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): Language, Angst, Arguing
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

In the next few days everything's back to normal, the other brothers didn't show up again and both of you came back to your life. You received a couple of good jobs well paid and Raphael helped you in both of them. His strength was essential and fortunately, there wasn't around anyone who saw him. He's always happy when he can help you besides his solo patrolling.  
In this time you texted James and you started to call each other often until he asked you a date and you were more than happy to accept.  
You emptied your wardrobe on the bed and it's two hours you're trying to find the right outfit.   
“Hey (y/n), are ya up there?”  
“Yeah!”  
Raphael comes to you and he literally loses his jaw on the floor. You're walking around in that black lace lingerie and you're choosing between two elegant and sexy dresses, both red. He never saw you so hot as in that moment and for the first time, he has a very dirty thought about you. He takes a deep breath, looking away and trying to put himself together. It's absolutely out of line, you're friends and you already spoke about sex and everything. He never considered you in that way and you were of the same idea, that's why you can be so confident without feeling ashamed.  
“What..where..” He tries to speak but he doesn't know what to ask precisely.  
“I have a date. Do you remember James? Last week we helped him and.. well, he asked me out.”  
He suddenly feels burning from inside, his stomach crumples and he needs to erase that James from your life.   
“Great..So don't ya eat with me?”  
You show that guilty puppy eyes that kill him.  
“I'm so sorry, Raph. I forgot to tell you I'm gonna have dinner with him.”  
“Yeah whatever..”   
You approach him, stroking gently his arm. “Raph..”  
“Don't worry, tiny. I'm good.” He makes a forced smile and you do the same.  
“This one is better.” He takes one of the dresses. A romantic, short, cocktail dress with a large skirt and short lace sleeves. You wear it, asking him to close the zip on your back and then you wear a pair of black high heels decollete. Raphael can't avoid looking at you, even when you sit at your desk with make up bag. You're so happy at that moment, you have that light in the eyes of a desired woman. He's glad of that but he can't accept someone else is making you happy.   
He silently goes downstairs, waiting to see you ready to leave and when you show up his heart loses a beat. You're absolutely breathtaking.  
“So?” You turn around to show him the final result.  
“You're beautiful.”  
He's speaking his heart and you can feel it. The way he looks at you, how he helped with the dress and the compliments. He never gave you a compliment and this is so strangely pleasant.  
You look down for a moment. “Well, I have to go now. See you later.”  
He just nods and you walk away. Both of you feel so strange now but you don't have an idea of what's happening.

You spent a nice evening with James. He invited you to this expensive restaurant and he paid for the dinner. You chatted a lot about everything and he's so gentle, brilliant and respectful. He has a good sense of humor and you laughed a lot. After the dinner, he offered to finish the evening at his place and you accepted. It ages you didn't have a man and you were quiet tired to please yourself without being able to be properly fucked.  
The sex has been so good and you're happy and satisfied but in the middle of the night your phone rings.  
“Hello?” You answer with low, tired voice.   
“(y/n) are ya okay?”   
“Raph.. yeah I'm fine. What's happens?”  
“Nothing much. Sure to be good?”  
“Yeah, don't worry. I'll be at home soon. Bye.”  
You end the call and James, right next to you, stroke your tight and your belly. “Is your brother?”  
“Uhmm yeah, my brother. Raphael.” You swallow. “He's just worried for me.”  
James smiles. “He's right to be concerned. You're in my hands now and I don't leave you till tomorrow.” He starts to kiss your shoulder and then your neck and your mouth. He's ready for another round but you feel the urge to come back home.   
“I have to go, J.”   
“Please stay. You're so hot, baby.” He kisses again your neck as he touches your butt.  
“James, please..”  
“Alright, sweetie. Let me drive you home.” He's going to stand up but you stop him.  
“It's not necessary.” You say as you dress up. “I'll take a cab.”  
“Sure?”  
“Yes.” You kiss him again, a deep sensual kiss and you leave.  
“I'll call you later.” He says.  
“Okay, sexy.” You smile.  
You hear him laugh and you leave the apartment.

It's three in the morning when you go home. Raphael is watching an old action movie on tv.  
“Hey, big boy.” You greet with a smile.  
He looks at you but he can't return that smile. You're a mess and he's not an idiot, he knows what happened.  
“Hope you had fun.” He says with a harsh tone.  
“Yeah, it's been pretty good.” You reply, taking off the shoes. “How's your patrolling?”  
“Quiet.”  
You nod. “Okay..” You go upstairs to take a shower and ignoring his strict glance at you. You don't know why he's so upset but you don't want to argue in the middle of the night after a pleasant evening. You take your time under the warm water thinking of James, how he was so nice, a very gentleman but at the same time, you feel so bad. Fuck, what's going on? You try to ignore that feeling, thinking it's just because you didn't have a date since ages and then you go to sleep.

 

*******

 

The next morning you go downstairs with a big cup of milk and cereals, sitting on the couch in front of the weight bench where Raphael is having his daily exercise.   
“Morning, big boy.” You say as you check the phone.  
“Are ya talking to me or to yar boyfriend?”  
You look at him, clearly annoyed. “James is not my boyfriend.”  
“So you just fucked him and you say goodbye?”  
You roll your eyes. “I can't see the problem.” You reply with the same tone. “Anyways he just asked me a second date and I think I'll accept.”  
“Good for ya.”  
“What the hell is your problem?” You put aside the cereals and also the phone. “I'm single and I need to fuck.”  
“Yeah, ya're right.” He knows he's acting like a dumb but he can't help, he feels so mad when he thinks about you with that asshole.   
You huff and you leave him alone. You can't understand his behavior but you don't want to investigate. Your life, your choice, no contest.   
From that moment, it starts a very dark time for both of you. You start to see James more often and Raphael reactions are worse and worse until you don't talk to each other anymore. You're just two people living in the same house, you have your life, with your job and James and Raphael has his life, with patrolling and exercise.

That afternoon you decide to accept a job, even if you received the request just an hour ago. Is about to help a disabled person and you can't make them wait for long. You leave the house and Raphael just gives you a glance without saying nothing.   
You're still so upset, why you have to justify your actions, your friendships or your lovers? You just want he can accept your happiness and you wish everything comes back to normal but you don't want to do the first step, not now.   
You disappear for hours and slowly the night falls over the city. Even if you're still mad at each other, Raph can't ignore the fact he doesn't know where are you and if you're okay. He tries to call you more than once but you don't answer. He's not surprised but he hopes you're fine, he can't imagine you need help and he's not with you.  
Hey tiny, where are you? He texts checking if the words are written correctly.  
Still no answers. He decides to check at your laptop to understand something about your last job. He reads the message with some difficulties and he doesn't even sure he understands completely but he doesn't let it go. He prints the job request and with great effort, he decides to go to the lair to ask some help.


	5. 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): Language, Angst, Arguing, Assaulting
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

The noise of drops over a carport relaxing you enough to fall asleep and your mind gets lost in some weird dreams. You don't remember what happened but Raphael never left your mind, even for a moment. You whisper his name, your body is weak and you're cold but soon the weight of wet clothes disappears and you feel so warm and dry.  
You wake wrapped in a soft blanket and you're leaning on a couch. You sit with some difficult, looking around and trying to recognize something but it's all so strange. It's a house, no doubt, there are beds, lunch table, a couch, a huge tv but you have the sensation it's not a common house. You can hear the sound of running water and it's all completely lit up by artificial light.  
“Finally you're awake.”  
The blue-masked turtle sits on a chair in front of you, offering a cup of tea.  
“Where I am?”  
“Our home, in the sewer.”  
You look around. “The sewer?”  
He nods. “We found you on the street under the rain, probably someone assaulted you.”  
You frown and you move aside the blanket to look at your body. You're just wearing your t-shirt and your panties. Your legs have some bruises as your arms and you have a huge headache.  
Leo looks away to don't stare at your half-naked body. “You have to rest. Donnie says you have a fever, probably cos you've been under the rain for some time.”  
You try to remember something but it's still all confused. “What time is it?”  
“Eleven at night.”  
Suddenly you stand up, trying to find your pants and the way out but you don't have enough strength to walk and you almost falling down. Leo catches you in time, his arms are strong and massive too even if a bit less big than Raphael's.  
“Hey hey, easy.”  
“I have to come home, Raphael..”  
“Donnie and Mikey are looking for him. Now please, sit down, finish your tea and relax.”  
You can't do otherwise, painkiller's wearing off and you feel like you got hit by a car.  
Leo is helping you to reach the couch again when Raphael runs into the lair just in time to see his brother wrapping his arms around you and you don't wear any pants.  
The misunderstanding drives Raphael out of his mind, literally.  
“So that's it, uh? There's no James around but my brother.” He steps forward. “Or maybe you're fucking both of them?”  
You're happy to see him but his reaction and his words just kill you. You can't help but stare at him speechless and disappointed.  
“Raph you're wrong.” Leo says.  
“I've heard it too many times!” He yells. “Why am I the only one who is always wrong?!”  
You move away from Leonardo. “Because you are!” You yell back, using the last bit of strength before faint.  
Leonardo is going to hold you up but Raphael is immediately on your side, taking you into his arms and making you lie down on the couch.  
“Tiny, hey, c'mon wake up. (y/n)..”  
Leonardo touches his shoulder. “Look at her, Raph. She's been assaulted. Let her rest, you'll speak later.” He says quietly.  
“What? Assaulted?”  
Leo nods. “We found her in the middle of the street.”  
His worst nightmare became reality, he wasn't with you in time of need and on top of that, he yelled at you about some stupid no-sense jealousy.  
Leonardo walks away to call his brothers via radio, leaving him thoughtful. He doesn't want to discuss with him at that moment.  
Suddenly he stands up, walking away. “I have to go. Please keep an eye on her. I'll come back soon.”  
“Raph, you don't have to do this alone. Wait for Donnie and Mikey and we'll help you.”  
“I've always did these things alone, brother.” He says before leaving.

 

*******

 

Sometimes later you wake up again because of an intensified headache. Donatello is already by your side to visit you. He's not an official doctor but probably he knows more than most of the human doctors around. He's still a genius, after all.  
“Okay, apparently you have nothing serious. It's just a body reaction to face stress and pain. Take these, you'll be fine soon.” He gives you a couple of pills and a glass of water.  
“So you're the turtle who got me undressed?”  
He blushes hard. “I- I.. y- yes but for medical purposes, you were wet and.. and..” Every word is an embarrassment. “Geez..” He whispers, looking away.  
You giggle. “It's okay, I'm just messing with you.”  
Just a second and Raphael is on your side, pushing his brother away from you.  
“Hey tiny, how ya feel?” He asks softly.  
You touch his face, he has some bruises and his lower lip has a fresh cut. “My grumpy turtle. What have you done?”  
He takes your hand, kissing the palm. “Don't worry about me, everything is okay now. Nobody will hurt ya again, it's a promise.”  
“I'm sorry, Raph. It's all my fault.”  
“No, no it's not.”  
You nod. “I didn't tell you anything cos of my stupid ego.”  
“Ya had yar reasons. I acted like a dumb.”  
You pass long moments in silence, just looking into your eyes and appreciating the mutual small cuddles and attention you're giving at each other.  
“Have you talked with Leo?” You ask then, as their arguing is the only thing is matters.  
“Not yet but.. It's all okay, I think.”  
You smile. “Good to know.”  
But he can't smile and he can't look at you either.  
“What's wrong, big boy?”  
He closes his eyes, shaking his head. It's all so hard.  
“Raph, you're scaring me.”  
“I just have a question.” He says then and you wait for it. “Are ya happy with that guy?”  
You feel a jump into your stomach. Why talking about James at that moment?  
“I.. suppose to be.”  
“Ya have to be sure or I can't leave ya alone.”  
You frown. “What?”  
He looks at his brothers, not far. “I'm thinking to come back.”  
You swallow, suddenly you got the point of his strange question.  
“Are you going to leave me?” you ask firmly, trying to don't cry.  
“Maybe it's better for both of us.” He says, looking down. “Ya have your job and now James. Ya're having your life as it's should be.”  
You're happy Raphael reconciled with his brothers but thinking to live without him it's just impossible for you. You try hard to don't cry but more his words come out from his mouth, more your tears drain from your eyes.  
“(y/n) I can't force ya to live with me, this is not a real life.”  
You're silently crying with a hand on your mouth. It's devastating for him.  
“Maybe you're not forcing me. Maybe it's what I want!” You raise your broken voice. “I renounced everything cos I care about you! And now you're trying to dump me?”  
You didn't mean to say that. You just wanted to be happy for him and his brothers but you're so scared to be alone without him. He's your life.  
However, your words are too much to handle and he does what he can do best, defend himself.  
“Ya dumped me when you started to date that asshole!”  
He can't control his jealousy and he can't live with you knowing your attentions are for someone else. He just can't share you with someone else.  
He walks away.  
“Wait!”  
“No! I don't wait anymore! Ya made a choice, now it's my turn and I choose to quit.”  
_“Raph, please. Don't leave me again, I need you here now.”_ You hear your voice in your head but nothing come out. You just stay there, clenching your hands around the t-shirt fabric, looking like a sweet, helpless girl staring at him as he walks away without even look at you. You're desperate and you don't know what to do or to say to don't lose him.


	6. 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My native language is not English so I apologize if you find some mistakes, I’m still improving.
> 
> Warning(s): NSFW!! NSFW!!, Language, Angst, H/C 
> 
> A/N April doesn’t know our turtle boys.

Your world has completely changed. You've been assaulted and robbed, fortunately not raped. James started to call and text you more often because you decided to don't see him again but the worst thing is Raphael isn't part of your life anymore.  
He decided to come back to the lair with his brothers and that night Leonardo took you home. Since then you needed time to recover and you passed a week in bed, in Raph's bed. Donatello visited you often to see if you're okay but, even if your body is healed, your heart is still broke.  
The turtle in purple is the only one who can see that, he can see how Raphael is introvert and thoughtful, how he became more violent with the criminals and how you're sad, alone, without any desire to leave that bed.  
He doesn't know you so much but he's thankful for the way things have gone. You helped his brother and he's alive just because of you. He can't just ignore it.  
He leaves with the promise to visit you again soon but he has something else in mind.

 

*******

 

It's around midnight when Raphael sits on his bed, watching you sleep. He just observes you in that calm and relaxed moment. Your breath is regular, your face is so peaceful. He thinks back to your meeting, how you helped and how you turned him into a person. You're a treasure, the most important person on Earth.  
He took care of you as you took care of him in the past but he still on his idea, he doesn't want you to live in the darkness. Plus, he can't handle with the idea of you with James but you seem happy with him and he seems a cool guy and you deserve to be happy.  
He touches your head, bending over to kiss your forehead. You frown, making a small noise in protest and waking up.  
“Raph!” You sit up to hug him, tears come out automatically.   
“Hey tiny, how are ya?”  
“Much better..” You dry tears and nod. “Fever is gone.”  
He looks at your body still covered by bruises and you try to cover with the blanket.  
“I was expecting to see James around here.”  
You shrug. “He doesn't even know where I live.”  
“Why? He's yar man, right?”  
“Seriously, Raph?” You say with a softly but firm tone. “This is our place, this is still your home. I can't risk someone can see you.” You lick your lip, looking down. “And he's not my man, he's never been. Anyways it doesn't matter cos I broke up with him.”  
A sort of relieving comes up on him but at the same time, he's worried about you.   
“I'm so sorry, (y/n).”  
You make an ironic giggle. “No, you don't. You never liked him.”  
“But I'm worried about you.”  
“I'm fine. Donnie comes often to see if everything is okay and I think I'll come back to work in a couple of days.” You try to act as everything is fine.  
“Yeah about him..”  
“What? You've forbidden him to see me?” You interrupt.  
“Could ya please shut up and listen?”  
You can see his difficulty to tell you what he has in his mind so you just nod. He huffs, trying to find the right words to resume his speech.  
“I can't handle to see ya with another man. I can't accept someone else can touch, kiss and.. fuck ya.” He's afraid to went too far but he's playing and he has to finish the game. “Donnie told me ya passed a week here alone and.. Yes, I was hoping that idiot wasn't around anymore. I can't hide to be happy to hear ya're single again.”  
He's offering his heart on a plate, he's trying to confess his love for you, even if probably he will never be able to say the three magic words.  
“I love ya, tiny.”  
You look up into his eyes at the same moment he looks down into yours. He's so insecure and afraid but so adorable. You're surprised, happy, definitely shocked and you try to say something but he still has to finish.  
“I just want ya to be happy and if this means accept yar refuse or see ya with another man well, I'll try to accept it.”  
You broke up with James at the moment you realized to have feelings for Raphael. You thought for days about how a mutant and a human could fall in love and you've always repeated in your mind it's impossible but you can't control your heart and hear him confessing his feelings is the best thing in the last weeks.  
You want to try, you have to try.   
“Well, big boy..” You move to sit on his lap. “I don't want to see New York destroyed cos of your jealousy, so I decide to renounce men.”  
His hands grab your naked thighs as he looks at you with that adorable, shocked expression. You cup his face with both your hands to kiss him. It's incredibly sweet and slow, he returns with the same delicacy, afraid to ruin something. You dreamed about kissing him but the reality is so far from it, much better.  
When you break apart he stares at you, still unbelieving of what has just happened.  
“And what about your idea of renounce men?” He asks.  
“You're not a man, right?” You whisper with a seductive smirk that almost causes him a heart stroke.  
You were waiting for that occasion to show your feelings at each other but you were both so afraid cos of your different nature.  
He smiles back. “I'm a man and I'll show you, tiny.”  
You look down, blushing. He takes a lock of your hair between his fingers, playing with it.  
“I never saw ya blushing. It's something I can use against ya.”  
You punch his plastron. “Shut up, dumb.”  
He lies down, pulling you down with him and kiss you again, his hands slide over your back to reach your buttocks. His bulge pushes under his pants against your pussy, you're pretty curious about its shape.. well you're both curious of each others body. He just had some examples of a female human naked body from old porn magazines.  
You take your time, trying to be comfortable, between kisses and cuddles. You want him in charge but he needs your first move so you're both stuck. He knows he has to do something to make it better but he's terrified to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.   
He's trying to act like a hot dude and you're trying to act like a sexy panther but the truth is, you're both scared.   
“It's a bit weird, uh?”  
“Not for me tiny, ya're beautiful.”  
A shy smile spreads on your face, you didn't think he could be so sweet.  
His hands grab your tank top, inviting you to take it off. You do it and he stares at your naked breast in complete worship, making you feel a bit uncomfortable.  
“You're supposed to do something now.” You suggest, trying to hide your shyness.  
He gently touches it, playing with your nipples and feeling your body warmth and your heartbeat. You close your eyes, biting your lower lip and taking a deep pleased breath.  
Your hands slip on his plastron, feeling the scratchy surface. You touched it several times but never like this, now you're more focused, more intrigued by the details and you're trying also to give him pleasure.   
“Ya like that?” He asks softly.  
You nod. “What about you?”  
He smirks. “I can't feel much on it but you could try a bit below.”  
You try to make a sexy smile while you drop his pants. Your smile turns into a surprised expression, his cock is so small and rounded and it emerges from a vertical slash of the plastron lower part.   
You don't have an idea where to start but he grabs your hand gently, driving your fingers on it and pressing a bit. He makes a low moan and you continue with that slowly massage. It seems work, Raph closes the eyes, making some guttural pleased noises.   
The small bulge grows under your touch and it becomes a long, slender and thick penis without any bulge tip. It's huge now and so different from the human one but you really want to try it.   
You bend over to lick the tip but suddenly he grabs your nape, making you stop.  
“Did I hurt you?”  
He shakes his head with heavy breath. “No.. just.. gimme a minute, hun.”  
“Are you blushing? I can use it against you..” You tease but you aren't ready for his reaction.  
He switches the position, making you lie down under him, kissing your lips, your neck and rip off your panties. You make a surprised gasp but you're so eager and aroused you don't care about anything else.  
He stares at your naked body, at your helpless and shy expression, at your flushed neck, just where he left a love bite. You're so perfect and he's so horny but he wants to give you some pleasure before fuck you properly.  
You have to teach him something as well, grabbing his thumb and rub your swollen clit. Between heavy pant and small moans, you drive his finger inside you.   
You make a louder moan and he can't resist to pull your hair and kiss you hard. He adds also the other finger and he starts to pump them faster and faster. Two of his fingers are bigger than an average human cock, you have to interrupt the kiss to take some hair and moaning while that familiar sensation grows inside you. He stops to lick his fingers, tasting again your flavor and you make a disappointed noise of the interruption. He giggles, satisfied about how much you need him.  
Now it's your turn to make your move. You push him to make him sit in the middle of the bed and you sit on his lap, kissing and biting his fleshy lips. You grab his cock to drive it at your opening and it's so huge your hand can't surrounding it completely.   
Feeling your fingers wrapped around his cock drives him crazy, he grabs your ass with a firm grip as he feels entering inside you.  
You need long moments to take it all but there's no rush. You're both enjoying that special moment, finally showing your feelings with no shame. Oh boy, how perfect you are, how he could renounce you?   
He leans his forehead on yours and you both close the eyes as you take his last inch. Just a few moments and your bodies start to move together, you both let go and soon he has to switch the position to pushing hard into you. You're completely overwhelmed by him, your body is filled with pleasure as his animal instinct controls him.  
Your body stiffens under the sudden orgasm, you grab the sheet, moaning louder shameless and he feels your pussy clenches around his cock. He raises on his knees, taking your hips to push deeper and deeper till the final pleasure wraps him too. He makes a guttural groan as he bends over you, supporting his weight with an arm.  
You stay there for long moments, with heavy breath, appreciating how good has been your first time, there where everything started.   
He moves on your side, stroking gently your face and you close your eyes, leaning your head on his palm.   
“Ya still think it's weird doing these things with a turtle?”  
“Oh come on!” You smile.  
He smiles as well, grabbing your waist to gets you closer to him.   
“How ya feel?” He asks with a soft voice.  
“I'm very good..” You touch his lips with a finger but your mind forces you to think about the future. Your smile disappears.   
You roll over the bed away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
He's already behind you, wrapping your body with his arms and kissing your neck.  
You stroke his huge forearm. “I think you have to come back to your brothers.” You say with a low voice. “It's better for both of us.”  
“I ain't done yet. Ya interrupted by seducing me.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“I promised to don't force ya to live in the darkness but it's your choice.”   
You look at him, frowning and trying to understand what he means.  
“I can't leave ya alone, especially now that James isn't around anymore.”  
A big smile spreads on your face. “I think I have to thank Donnie for this..”  
It's true but he will never admit it.  
“Shut up and get ready to leave...”  
You don't know what the future is but you're ready to go through this together.

 

**The End.**

 

_A/N: Thank you so much to have followed this story until the end, for the comments and kudos!_

_Love & Peace!_


End file.
